Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Why Do Babies Cry ?

This is the conclusion my friend and I came to when discussing evolution and babies and why babies cry. We are very proud of our ground breaking, scientific discovery. Prepare to have your mind blown. And yes, this is of course a totally normal conversation for two twenty-somethings to be having over pizza.

Babies cry so that the cave-people had to do something to shut them up!

Think about it. You live in a cave. It’s dark, it’s cold, you’re hungry. There is wild, dangerous beasts outside your door wanting to make a meal out of you. Every day is a really tough day. Then, out of the blue some day you and your cave-mates suddenly also have this tiny little squirmy thing appear from the insides of one of the cave-ladies. (The previous generation of parents have probably been long eaten by some beastie or another by this point, so the arrival of the little thing is somewhat of a surprise).

It can’t feed itself, it can’t clean itself up or provide shelter for itself. The cave-people have to do it. But when every day is a struggle as it is, why would take on this additional burden of looking after this strange, tiny creature?

Answer: because it cries. It makes such a bloody hell of a racket, which is majorly annoying, and the only way to stop it said racket is to feed it. Or wash it. Or shelter it. And hence the baby survives and passes on the crying gene to future babies.

Meanwhile, all the quiet babies are all forgotten about because its dark and you’re in a cave and they are small and there is no reason to give it some of your yummy food or cosy warmth. So the quiet baby gene dies out.

And there we have it. Evolution through persistent annoyance.

What do you think? What are your theories?

(We know,we are very smart).


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